Brownie Mint Chocolate Chip Cake

So this will probably be the most personal post I've ever published. I feel like it needs to be said and I need to vent.

When I first started this blog it was to help me find some confidence in something I really loved doing. I needed a hobby to help distract me and I needed something positive to do that made me feel good.

I've been struggling for as long as I can remember with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder. As I've gotten older, it has only gotten worse and the depression that comes along with these illnesses has only isolated me more.

I spent years struggling to hold a job, going to school, having friends and relationships. My life was a train wreck. I was consumed by my anxiety and depression. It was my life. It defined me. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I felt like everyone around me gave up on me and I was a loser.

It wasn't until I met my husband that my life started to improve. He understood me and helped me get the help I needed. It's been a rollercoaster the last few years, but I'm finally at a place in my life where I can manage a job.

Still, even though my life has improved and I'm feeling more confident, I find myself awake at 2am rethinking and obsessing over every social interaction I have with people. Being on the Internet with social media is really hard for me. I'm constantly worried someone's going to call me a d-bag and rip on everything I put out there.

Sometimes I feel like my skin is so thin it's transparent. Every blog post I write, every recipe, every picture I take means a lot to me. It's so hard putting your work out there for anyone to criticize. One person or a 100 might think I'm a joke and that's okay because this blog is for me, not them.

So! When these thoughts start bothering me or if someone says something that hurts my feelings I remember these things:

1. Not everyone is going to like my recipes, what I write, or the pictures I take and that's okay!
2. I Don't give a f***

Like I said, this blog is for me. This is my little space on the internet and I'm gonna own it. I'm going to hit that publish button every time without worrying what people will think. I'm sure I'll have hiccups along the way, but I'm going to keep blogging, cooking, learning, and, of course, eating.

What you need:
Adapted from Life Love And Sugar

Brownie:
1/2 cups of vegetable oil
3 cups of sugar
3 tsp of vanilla extract
7 medium sized eggs
1 1/2 cups of all purpose flour
1 cup of cocoa powder
3/4 tsp of baking powder
1/4 tsp salt

Mint Cream Cheese Frosting:
1.5 cup salted butter, room temperature
12  ounces cream cheese
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 1/2 - 3 tsp on mint extract
8 cups of powdered sugar
4-6 drops green food coloring
Chocolate Chips for decorating

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease three 6" cake pans and dust with cocoa.
2. Mix oil and sugar until smooth. Add eggs in one at a time until incorporated.
3. Mix all dry ingredients together then add into wet ingredients. Mix until combined.
4. Fill cake pans. There will be extra. I used it to make regular brownies.
5. Bake 20-25 minutes or until tooth pick comes out clean.
6. Let cool in pans for 15 minutes then run a fork around the edges of the cake. Remove cakes from pans and let cool on wire rack.
7. While cake is cooling make the frosting. Cream butter and cream cheese together until smooth.
8. Add vanilla and mint extract.
9. Add powdered sugar and mix until smooth
10. Add food coloring in while mixing until the colored desired is achieved.

Assembly:

1. Add thick layer of frosting to first layer of cake. Sprinkle chocolate chips over it. Add second layer and repeat.
2. Crumb coat the cake then put in fridge for an hour.
3. Apply generous amounts of frosting to the top of the cake. Working it to the edges with an offset spatula.
4. Spread frosting down the sides.
5. Once cake is covered in frosting use bench scraper to smooth all the way around cake.
6. Once cake is desired smoothness apply chocolate chips to the bottom half of the cake.